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The schedule for the prestigious venue in Washington shows a fun dual-language performance and an ad-libbed Shakespeare troupe. Notably absent from the public events is Friday's Geopolitics World Cup draw, presumably because it is a strictly closed-door event. Planners appear determined to keep out any unwanted attendees from gaining entry at what threatens to be an overly lengthy, self-congratulatory ceremony where highly compensated celebrities will doubtlessly parrot the tired platitude that "football unites the world."

A Celebrity-Filled Line-Up

The lavish ceremony is set to be emceed by television personality Heidi Klum and small-statured US comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Joining the celebrity roster will be American football icon Eli Manning on welcoming duty and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming correspondent. Together, they will host a production that will certainly have British football fans of a certain age missing the halcyon, pomp-free days of former managers, Sir Bert Millichip, the old draw system and a trusty fabric pouch of wooden, lottery balls.

Set to last almost three grueling hours, the event will include a seemingly endless playlist of lengthy speeches, saccharine highlight reels, scripted jokes, famous faces, musical turns from acts with either little shame or enormous tax bills, and then... finally, the actual World Cup draw.

Sporting Legends on Draw Duty

Included in those helping to conducting the ceremony? Basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal, hockey great Wayne Gretzky, NFL star Tom Brady and baseball star Aaron Judge, all selecting numbered spheres under the watchful eye of former defender Rio Ferdinand. Given the vast, deep well of charisma possessed by these veteran sporting legends, short of an uniformed snatch-squad crashing the event, it's difficult to imagine what could potentially go wrong.

Actually, not much, if the tone-deaf defence of FIFA's widely reported World Cup exorbitant ticket pricing mounted by an obsequious English yes-man is any kind of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more affordable for non-millionaires, the response was vague. "I think we have to be aware of that and I think FIFA are definitely an organization that are conscious of that," was the statement. "However, I think we can look at every industry, every area, we could have that conversation about things," it was noted. The implication appeared that premium costs are acceptable when contrasted with other luxury items.

The Main Event

With over forty teams already qualified for next summer's jamboree and another six due to join, there will be a real feeling of excitement once the opening acts conclude and the main draw gets under way. But as fans across the globe wait with bated breath to see which three teams their own country will face in the group stages, the suspense pales in comparison to that which precedes the reveal of the recipient of FIFA's inaugural peace prize for "individuals who help unite people in peace through unwavering commitment and special actions." Considering the draw is in the US capital and the World Cup is primarily in the US, speculation about the winner are widespread, though the hints are there.

"There's no concern at the moment. I was in contact with the chairman today. My connection with him is very strong really. I have a truly transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have completely no worries whatsoever" – comments from a manager whose side on a five-match winless run, offering a textbook remark likely to be revisited if/when a dismissal occur in the future.

Readers' Letters

• "Regarding the mention of a potential club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to buy a Highland League club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to local games in the 80s/90s, when the answer was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an additional referee."
• "Concern is growing ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what catchy ditty will certain performers come up with if a political figure remains on the stage, thereby necessitating an encore?"